a year in my life

Wednesday Morning: Atonement, Forgiveness and Letter Writing


I’ve decided that no matter what I say in a blog or anything I’ve ever written and had published, people will aways pick out the most salacious pieces.  It was about a week ago today that I was receiving emails, comments and messages from people regarding the post Cut Throat Fuckery.  I set some fire to the hearts and egos of many people at the advertising department of The Pueblo Chieftain and a salon in Pueblo West.

I had a little moment while meditating today of thinking about who I should say I’m sorry to during The High Holy Days this year.  For those of you not acquainted with the Jewish High Holy Days, they start in September and last for about a week.  We first celebrate Rosh Hashanah as the “head of the year” and welcome new beginnings and have the next week to think about who we’ve done dirty the past year.  At this time of the year, we evaluate all the drama, the negativity, the good deeds, the misfortunes and everything that may come to pass for the following year.  This is not karma in the making, this is a personal detox, if you will.  The Jews call this an “atonement” between you and the Creator and on Yom Kippur (the day of judgment) your name is written in the Heavenly book of the Creator for one more year as you’ve had time to absolve and hopefully reconcile all your doings from the past year.

I thought maybe I should write actual letters to the people that have been offended this past year and send this via snail mail as a way of atoning for what has come to pass this past year.  It’s been rather dramatic and there are times when I relish in it and there are times when I want everyone to get a fucking hobby and quit worrying about what I have to say.  I have a few names of people that are completely owed an apology and I have some that are on the list that I will remember at this time and wish nothing but the best for them because I was owed an apology and never received one.  In any case, its a time to forgive, start anew and I guess we’ll see what happens.

There is one particular message I received last week from the mom of a person I talked about in my blog.  She told me that there are people in my community making a difference and that they make Pueblo proud.  I see that she’s upset.  I know she’s upset.  I just called her baby out for bullying his staff. ANY mom would be upset to read these things about their child.  She continued and told me that I do not make a difference in this community and I feel as though she should know that I have a lot of philanthropic causes I donate to anonymously, host events without a fee or check being received and even have an annual toy drive that has placed Christmas gifts, coats and school supplies into the homes of over 200 children in Pueblo County.  I make a difference, bitch! You’re just not someone who wants to see the good in me.  You are one of the salacious people I talk about in tweets and blogs.

I think I’ll write her a letter.  I may even send flowers.  There’s not olive branch being extended, by any means, but she SHOULD be informed of what I’ve been up to on my downtime. While I was donating and doing volunteer work, she and others probably bought sponsorship on Facebook to promote The Best of Pueblo even after creeping on my blog.

Yesterday, I went to lunch with a friend and we had just that: lunch with a good friend. I don’t think people understand when I eat with a friend or a group of people, I only break bread with people whose energy I would like to eat. I believe that people eat and drink too freely with bad company.  I don’t do this. I don’t believe in sin-eating or being able to share the same space with people that don’t care for me too much.  I believe in staying at least five feet away from them and not making any contact with them.  No evil eyes can connect.  If I’m not going to look at you, please don’t try to “cheers” me.  That’s just awkward and inappropriate; you don’t mean well.  My friend and I sat down, talked about little stuff like boys and booze and I sadly had to go back to the salon and finish the day.  The one part about owning a business and being a booked colorist is that yes, I can have lunch with, but NO I cannot sit around and day drink with you as much as I want to.  I need to make time to day-drink with Shaiya.  She’d appreciate it.  I would love it.  It’s a change of pace from mixing color and firing up my laptop to a world of internet-crazy.

This morning, I had a guest move her appointment last minute, which gave me time to meditate properly, work out and clean up the house a bit.  I’m roasting a chicken tonight for dinner (its so simple, you guys). While I was prepping the chicken, my thoughts went back to what I’ll be doing for the High Holy Days, once again.  As a Virgo, I can only obsess about the perfect Jewish New Year.  It’s not a party like the calendar New Year’s Day, it’s an internal renewal.  As I prepped the chicken for tonight’s comfy little nap in the oven, I thought about all the prepping I’m doing for the New Year.  The salon has a shiny new lease and with that comes improvements.  I also have a shiny new lease approaching on Yom Kippur.  All of these thoughts are my preparation for another year of craziness and success (God willing!).  I’m excited.

By the way, I’m still writing that bitch a letter!


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