TUESDAY, 1 SEPTEMBER 2015 —
“Fuck. I’m running late” I thought this morning as I woke up on the couch.
Chris and I fell asleep in the living room again last night. I was trying to power-read through Andy Cohen’s book and finish the book Secrets of a Jewish Mother and set the book aside last night page-side down on my red couch. I woke up this morning at 6:06 to my Kindle and my iPhone screaming at the same time to be silenced. The books were still next to me on the couch and Chris was on the floor with two blankets and a pillow. I turned both alarms off and layed my head back down. I didn’t have a guest coming until 10:30 today so I thought a couple more minutes wouldn’t hurt. I opened my eyes and saw 8:41 glowing from across the room to the kitchen stove where the clock’s green numbers were staring back at my sleepy eyes with all its florescent loveliness. “Fuck. I guess no gym today” I thought.
As I walked out of the shower, I saw Chris had woken up and was smoking a cigarette on the balcony. We’re both very French when we wake up. Nicotine and strong coffee reign supreme in the Cooley-Madrilliano pad! I walked into the morning with a very quick “good morning, bubs” being murmured from my mouth to my sleepy-eyed partner. I was doing my hair, applying concealer and praying the clock would stop ticking. I looked at the clock in the kitchen as I was passing to get my iPhone and saw it was only 9:06. Where was I going in my head? Was my brain moving faster than the clock today? It must be the lack of coffee. What REALLY was happening was me trying to re-route my day so I could head down to Hopscotch Bakery so we could change our breakfast selection a bit, but knowing that my shoes weren’t on yet re-emphasized the fact that I was probably going to be ordering two breakfast burritos and an iced Americano at Union Joe’s (I love them dearly, but I order the same thing at least three or four times a week on the way to work, a change would have been nice)!
This morning I was in a hurry as soon as I got to the salon and I still don’t know why. I think the lack of coffee, meditation and gym time threw me off. I was anticipating being gobsmacked or something! My 11 am client was a no-show and I walked around grumbling. Chris was at the color bar working on his writing a bit and looked at me with side eyes. He is the best at leaving me alone while I freak out over menial items like clients walking in late. I walked into the bathroom at work at 11:14 and said, “well, I guess his cut wasn’t that fucking urgent.” I’m sure Chris was hoping I’d walk out of the restroom fresh after shitting out my bad attitude. I was a real dick this morning! I felt rushed and to this very moment I can’t even dig up a good reason for my foul mood. Hormones? No. Lack of sleep? Maybe. I don’t know, but even I was bugging me!
As my day went on, I went in and out of heart murmurs over little shit. I couldn’t understand why I was dropping shit or why I was irritated over nothing at all. Chris left for work and I sat in the salon with an iced latte and took a deep breath in the shampoo chair. “I’m burned out” I thought. Not burned out of doing hair, but burned out of being “on” for people. I haven’t had a day off. My birthday was an amazing celebration, but I didn’t have a day off. Entertaining 65 happy party goers is work! My feet hurt, my eyes are hazy and I just want to go home and lay on the couch: yes, that’s burn out. I looked at myself in the mirror: no apparent smile, I keep seeing fat rolls that don’t exist and wrinkles that a little botox would clear up. This is NOT a burn out, this is exhaustion. I need a good night’s rest. I need a day off.
I was walking home tonight and looked at my phone. My friend had texted me a couple times today and I hadn’t replied (I may have ripped her head off for no reason). I stopped into the wine bar and looked at Shaiya, “I need a day off. I am so excited for Thursday” I told her. We have made plans to have lunch on Thursday. I also have a haircut and a nail appointment scheduled for Thursday and no clients on the book so I’m looking forward to eating pizza and catching up with Elizabeth and Arleen as they make me feel beautiful again. There is no reason I had to be a dick today. I just happen to be tired and don’t know how to handle it, but I think a pizza will help.
Tonight I came home with take-out from Papa Jose’s. Chris loves Mexican food. I was hoping that would make up for my shitty attitude. I think, though, that most of my attitude is purely self-induced. I was quiet today mostly, not angry. Anyone that knows me knows that I am not a quiet person; I’m the center of attention. Today I couldn’t care less about being everyone’s solar system or favorite constellation, I just wanted to relax. I got home and opened the take out container to find that my cheese and spinach enchiladas had no spinach. Yep, that’s my day! The cook must not have had coffee, meditated or worked out today either.
Tomorrow is another day. I’m off to bed and I can’t wait for a new attitude, a cup of coffee, a skinny outlook and incense burning at 6 am. Yes, tomorrow I’ll try again. If tomorrow doesn’t work out, I always have a pizza to look forward to on Thursday.