Thursday Night: Alright


This morning I woke up to Chris holding onto me in bed.  He was right against me so close that I could feel his body heat.  I looked at my iPhone and thought to myself, “Do we have time to make love?” (Yes, I just typed that)

It has been a “different” week.  We have had a few sad moments this week that have led to complete calmness and we have had sad moments that have lead to pure distraught.  Frankly, I’m a bit tired of this week.  It’s been too much heartache between Chris’ mom having a stroke, the salon being slow and my friend’s mom passing away.  It all seems a bit solemn to me.  I could easily pass all of this up.

I went to the wine bar tonight.  I was supposed to meet Chris there.  I was instantly greeted by too many people, too many questions and wanted to run off into the sunset by myself.  I went with the intention to have two drinks and leave or have a drink and meet Chris.  I juggled the idea of ordering pizza tonight.  We all collectively decided to order pizza while I waited for Chris. An hour went by after I had ordered and I was optimistic Chris would show up.  He wasn’t there.  Another hour went by, he still wasn’t there.  I sat there, drinking vodka and thought it should be time to call.  I called him and received no answer.  I asked for the ticket and came home.  I set my phone down and went to the bathroom.  When i came back, there was a text from Chris saying: “I guess I’m not drinking, huh, bubs?”

God, this is tough. How do I reply?

I felt bad.  I opened my laptop and my phone rang.

“Hi bubs,” I said.

“Hi bubby,” Chris replied. “I’m almost done here,” he added.

Wow.  I’m sad he didn’t meet me for drinks or pizza and he’s waiting at his Aunt’s house, looking after his mom.  I feel like a shithead.

I brought pizza home.  I’ve poured a glass of wine.  He and I can always drink here.

My contacts hurt.  I’m sad for Chris.  i just want him to be alright.  I want his mom to be alright.  I want his sister to be aright.  Deep down, I know he’s been busy and that’s alright.  I just want the world to calm down a bit.  His words make me cry.  He is there taking care of his mom and I’m here drinking wine.  I don’t know what “alright” really is.

This has been a hard week on everyone else, not me.


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