THURSDAY, 10 SEPTEMBER 2015 —
This morning I woke up to Chris holding onto me in bed. He was right against me so close that I could feel his body heat. I looked at my iPhone and thought to myself, “Do we have time to make love?” (Yes, I just typed that)
It has been a “different” week. We have had a few sad moments this week that have led to complete calmness and we have had sad moments that have lead to pure distraught. Frankly, I’m a bit tired of this week. It’s been too much heartache between Chris’ mom having a stroke, the salon being slow and my friend’s mom passing away. It all seems a bit solemn to me. I could easily pass all of this up.
I went to the wine bar tonight. I was supposed to meet Chris there. I was instantly greeted by too many people, too many questions and wanted to run off into the sunset by myself. I went with the intention to have two drinks and leave or have a drink and meet Chris. I juggled the idea of ordering pizza tonight. We all collectively decided to order pizza while I waited for Chris. An hour went by after I had ordered and I was optimistic Chris would show up. He wasn’t there. Another hour went by, he still wasn’t there. I sat there, drinking vodka and thought it should be time to call. I called him and received no answer. I asked for the ticket and came home. I set my phone down and went to the bathroom. When i came back, there was a text from Chris saying: “I guess I’m not drinking, huh, bubs?”
God, this is tough. How do I reply?
I felt bad. I opened my laptop and my phone rang.
“Hi bubs,” I said.
“Hi bubby,” Chris replied. “I’m almost done here,” he added.
Wow. I’m sad he didn’t meet me for drinks or pizza and he’s waiting at his Aunt’s house, looking after his mom. I feel like a shithead.
I brought pizza home. I’ve poured a glass of wine. He and I can always drink here.
My contacts hurt. I’m sad for Chris. i just want him to be alright. I want his mom to be alright. I want his sister to be aright. Deep down, I know he’s been busy and that’s alright. I just want the world to calm down a bit. His words make me cry. He is there taking care of his mom and I’m here drinking wine. I don’t know what “alright” really is.
This has been a hard week on everyone else, not me.