SUNDAY, 20 SEPTEMBER 2015 —
It turns out that no matter how much you try to avoid awkward situations, it just makes people more awkward. Chris and I passed a friend the other day on the way back from lunch to an odd “how are you?” I looked back at the person passing me and wondered why there was so much oddity in her response. It perplexed me actually. I looked online and noticed that there was a Facebook post about people “[she] once” admired. God in Heaven, if that’s about me, move on please. I have a feeling it may be, but like all things Facebook, I couldn’t care fucking less if you still like me or just feel like ranting about your day. I continue scrolling my newsfeed until I see one of my clients cute kids or a friend’s food porn. The fuckery of ambiguous statuses are for people that have no life or anything else going on. Just get an Instagram; pictures are better than words… especially for dumb people.
Chris and I went to lunch with my parents today and cruised Target looking at bullshit items like blue disposable forks and new packaging on the Olay bodywashes. I sometimes wonder what Target has done to us. It’s not economically priced like Wal-Mart and there is something about walking into their big red doors that makes you want to part with an inadvertant $100. Who needs a savings account? Not anyone at Target if they can help it. My sister worked for Target for a very long time and she never saved any money, she always came home with bags of unnecessary shit. I came home with three packs of Coca Cola and new cutlery. Okay, Target, take your hands out of my pants and quit seducing me with your upper-middle class adverts and IKEA-wannabe attitude.
My Sunday routine was off today. Chris and I got home rather late after a tediously long day. Yesterday was his mom’s funeral and then we had to go to Dancing with the Pueblo Starz so I could judge the six nervous couples. The food was better this year than previous years, but the crowd was uber quiet. I had tons of drinks bought for me, but I was really hoping everyone would get piss-drunk and become a rowdy group. I know that at one time I called people “old” or referred to “old people” and told the crowd to wake up numerous fucking times. God in Heaven, please wake up.
We went to the local gay bar last night and enjoyed it actually. Of course, like any outing with Chris and I, there were some speed bumps. As I sat down to talk to my good friends Lorna and Freddy, a drag queen that used to talk to me (and moved away and came back to Pueblo) came up and started talking to Lorna. I said, “Hi James, how are you?”
“Don’t talk to me, you’re not welcome here.” He responded.
I rolled my eyes.
“Why am I not welcome here?”
He turned his head and started talking to Lorna. She looked at him and said I was her friend of many years and that he didn’t need to be rude. She basically told him the nice version of what I wanted to say: “Stop all your bullshit right fucking now.”
He started telling her I make bad decisions and run my mouth all over the internet about people with more integrity than I have. Oh god, please make it stop!
I signaled for the manager and asked her to take care of him. I can’t deal with sad excuses for drag queens and secondly his mouth was annoying me. I don’t have time for people that just talk shit for the sake of talking shit. The manager took his beer and told him to stay away from me. I was hoping she’d snatch his shake-n-go wig off his nasty head and kick him out. I find it funny that he said I wasn’t welcome in a bar where most of the patrons drink $2.50 beers. Believe me, my bar tab was appreciated in a crowd of domestic beer drinkers that never tip and rarely have any money to buy rounds for the other queens that sat in the corner and continued making eyes at me. I was hesitant to tell Chris due to the day we had. We just wanted to relax.
I knew it was about time to slow down when a guy shoulder-checked Chris and he almost lost it. It was time to come home, throw up and lay down. Between shady bitches writing ambiguous FB posts and shady wannabe drag queens acting like now they’re going to grow a pair of untucked balls coming at me, the quiet Starz crowd was nothing to worry about.
Today I walked around Target looking for a bitch to step up for round three. Today, I would have held Chris’ wallet and phone while he kicked ass. Please move on if you have nothing nice to say. I’ll call the manager and if they manager’s not available, get ready for my bubs. He takes no prisoners. I’m sure I’ll hear shit or read some mean tweet after I post this blog. In any case, thanks for reading. xox- j.