a year in my life, Uncategorized

Wednesday Afternoon: Divided, but first I have gravy to make…

Wednesday, 25 November, 2015 — The day before Thanksgiving 

Today I woke up and initially wanted to stay laying on the couch and blame the cold weather for the lack of gym attendance lately.  I looked at the iPhone and it read, “39 Degrees”.  I thought, “it’s under 40 degrees, that’s cold, right? Guess I won’t go.”  I went to the kitchen to grab coffee and heard Chris playing music in the bathroom as he showered.  He has a LONG day at work today.  He’s working both places today and won’t get out of work until close to midnight, I’m guessing.  I went to the office and set up a meditation corner and heard him walking around the house.  Every morning that I meditate, I take 13 deep breaths and allow my brain to clear of the noise we carry on the inside.  Some of those noises are logical and some are emotional.  Today, my emotional noise was whispering as I lit incense. As much as I love Thanksgiving, I’m dreadfully upset that I won’t be with Chris for most of it.  He’s working tonight and I often spend the night at my parent’s home on the Wednesday before Turkey Day.  Tomorrow is another story.  As much as I want to spend time with my family, I want to come home as soon as possible.  At this point, I don’t know if that’s tomorrow night or Friday morning.  Truth is: I kind of want Thursday to pass so I can be back with my bubs.  As I stood up and ended my meditation, it was time for Chris to leave for work and it was now 50 degrees outside.  Guess I’m working out…

After I came home, I began cleaning the house and doing laundry like a good househusband.  I started defrosting two turkey tenderloins for Thanksgiving just for Chris and I.  I was so unsure this year how Thanksgiving was going to play out.  It’s been rather hectic lately in my personal life and I can’t seem to keep everyone happy lately.  I wasn’t sure what the holiday was going to hold or how it was going to pan out, so I planned ahead.  I started prepping the two tenderloins and began cutting potatoes.  The thought of no turkey at home for my bubs just breaks my heart.  I am so torn at this moment in time.  I want to be in two places at once and simply cannot.  It’s really mortifying to try and act chipper and happy when you are heavy in the heart.  An hour in, the tenderloins smell amazing and now it’s time to make gravy.  Laundry needs to be folded, but that can wait til I finish preparing gravy.

This afternoon holds so much more for me, I have to go do my eyebrows as I’ve held off for nearly two extra weeks and look like furrier. I can’t handle it!  A gay man with bad eyebrows is a sin (so are bad shoes).  I would like to drop lunch off to Chris and see him a bit before I take off to my parent’s house.  He is bar tending tonight and I want to make sure he tries to sneak time in to eat.

There’s something to be said about my overall sentiments about this year’s Thanksgiving.  I used to love it.  I still do, really, but today I’m upset.  There is a division of my parents vs my partner taking place in my life and I find it all very disrespectful.  I find it disrespectful to be forced to choose where I would rather be for Thanksgiving because I will be attending a Thanksgiving feast somewhere I’d much rather not be tomorrow.  I also don’t want to be home tomorrow.  Next year, I’m contemplating getting some plane tickets and making arrangements away from Pueblo.  There’s too much tension at this year’s holiday table and it makes me not even want to help set the plates, light candles or be thankful or joyous.

Sure the bird will be good, but it’s not about the Turkey is it? Isn’t there supposed to be love at the Thanksgiving table?

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