Monday, 21 December 2015 —
It was a calm day today in the salon. I had three guests on the books so I decided that “salon Josh” could stay in the make-up drawer and I could walk into the salon naked faced sans my face on full drag style. Years ago, as a defense mechanism I believe, I began experimenting with wearing make-up. Men in Hollywood and on the news have done it for years. Musicians do it all the time, talk show hosts too. Why couldn’t I?
What began as a little bronzer 12 years ago has turned into full force Kardashian-style contouring. 20 minutes after getting out of the shower, my face may be baked and ready to go. I started working on stage for hair companies years ago and with that public notoriety came make-up for speaking gigs and eventually daily as my book built and I became known as the “Rockstar Stylist”. At 30-something years old, I have learned that less is sometimes alot more… especially when the clients have known me for nearly a decade and frankly don’t give a shit if I wear sweats to work (that has NEVER HAPPENED).
Two things annoyed the fuck out of me today: the lights above my station keep going in and out. Sometimes I feel like I’m foiling in the dark and then 30 minutes later, the lights come back on. My dad has to come take a look at them. He’s not an electrician, but he’s a dad and a business owner, so I guess it’s some unwritten rule that that’s what business owner dads do. I’m still waiting on him to show up and fix this issue. The salon is going to look like a cave by January 1 if he doesn’t do something about that soon. Also, I sent my assistant to buy a new coffee pot today. My Keurig has officially taken a shit. I am wondering if to throw it out or bring it home. “Sometimes” it works and “sometimes” it’s a bitch and decides it’s not going to talk to me. Frankly, I think the machine behaves like it’s giver; my sister gave me that machine four years ago when I opened the salon and coincidentally, she’s not talking to me either. So, maybe there is something to my hypothesis.
This morning I actually made it to the gym after a few weeks of not getting up and going. You know its time to hit the gym when you make BLACK look FAT. It’s the holidays, I know, but lately I am layering more and more to cover up the puffiness that has become my badge of holiday cheer. I walked into the gym to see the same four men in their fifties there at 9:30 am and the same snobby body builder that takes only female clients (it seems). 20 minutes and 4 miles later, I was off to one weight machine before I came home to shower. I always feel fatter leaving the gym after a sabbatical. My thought is that the toxins are trying to release themselves. Let’s stick with that, shall we?
Its popped into my head a few times now to possibly change my Twitter handle and revamp my social media in 2016. I’m not using it like the kids do these days. They’re obsessed with it! I have to even wonder if I’m about it anymore really… Do people tweet like they used to? It seemed that they Facebooked alot this year. Both Chris and I have had horrible media coverage via Facebook this year and we’ve become somewhat “experted” at not answering the public and ignoring what people have to say about us online. It’s funny really actually. I used to tell people I had the Oprah effect online; everyone I tweeted or blogged about turned to gold and 2015 was the year Chris and I had the Kardashian effect; some people really loved us and a fuck-load of others hate our guts. Frankly, they don’t know the whole story and are dumb. I’m sticking with that. I think Chris is fucking hilarious and admire his candor. Some people can’t handle the truth. He is INCREDIBLY honest in his opinions and I’m kind of a smart ass. This combination has tested the sanity of many around us and even each other this year, but all in all, we’re both amazing people and anyone that doesn’t understand us is probably just sitting with their iPhone watching their timelines waiting for one of us to fuck up or cause a controversy. Keep watching, bitches. We’re not backing down to anyone. We’re actually a lot of fun to hang out with once you get to know us.
I have to tell you that as 2015 ends, I am having this giant sense of relief hit me. I can’t wait for this year to be done. In fact, I may be standing next to this year on December 31 with a nail for its coffin. As 2016 comes into play, I want to re-decorate my house and the salon, maybe save a little more money, focus on re-lauching my comedy and take a trip with Chris in the spring or summer. I think all of those goals are tangible and very realistic… but first, I need to find a new Twitter handle…