Sunday, 21 February 2015 —
Adrian’s birthday dinner was today. Her birthday is not for two days, but we celebrated early since my parents are going to be out of town for her birthday. I had a chance to meet her new boyfriend. He was very nice guy. I had a few glasses of wine and walked lethargically through Wal-Mart afterwards with Chris and Miya for a couple of hours. Chris has been investigating the habits of Fiddler Crabs and it turns out the males can sometimes get very aggressive when they are molting. I have one male and one female. I named them Uriel and Ahava. Uriel, the boy, was so bashful when we first got him and now he’s kind of a prick and Ahava just chills. It has been a growing pain trying to learn their habits. I often feel like a really bad pet owner. Chris spends a lot of time researching facts about the babies (as we call them) and I’m still trying to check last week’s emails. I may never catch up at this point nor will I ever be the perfect papa to Uriel and Ahava. It’s a new gig completely.
The latest ventures of growing a garden and preparing it for transfer to our balcony and becoming fiddler crab owners has me going berserk! There are pots all over my office and pet food all over my kitchen counter tops. I have very frequent moments where I can feel my blood pressure climb because there is so much going on in my home. My once minimalistic, clean line home has become domestic. Let me share this with you: it’s not like the over-stylized magazines and it’s not easy. It’s like forty new chores were added to the list and there is no housekeeper to help clean the messes. It wears me thin at times. I wish I could get my head wrapped around all these new duties. Chris keeps them pretty prioritized, but at the end of the day, I just want to become a vegetable. I have no motivation for anything more.
Chris, Miya and I all walked around the store for a couple of hours. Chris gave Miya some shoes and make-up he had ordered for her online and they went through the shopping bags looking for her items to take home. Chris has really taken on the role of caretaker in his family since his mom’s passing. It’s been an adjustment (not always easy). It’s very different six months later to see him versus six months ago Our relationship has had some tangles and knots the last few months. It’s been hard being patient. I have a grieving partner some days and my bubs others. I love when we’re in cute mode and things fall into place. The moments of friction are not my favorite. Chris and I both have very strong personalities. An argument can ensue over a long silence at our house. I try to diffuse them, but generally the moment is fucked once I open my mouth with some Oprah-tinged bullshit. The fact is that we’re all adjusting. Chris and his siblings are STILL adjusting to Priscilla’s passing. Every day we get closer to some peace. I can’t imagine the stress he must feel. I get anxious thinking about feeding the crabs and watering the plants. I can’t imagine the stress he feels with no parent to vent to or turn to.
Chris and Miya went home later this evening. I bought new shower curtains and display towels for the bathroom and tried to find a spot to put crab tank #2 since we have to separate the crab-babies. When they molt, it is very possible that Uriel could murder Ahava and I can’t even think of that. I would be mortified if I came home to that. I am still unsuccessful; It looks like I’m going to have two tanks in the kitchen. For a type-a individual like me, this is the nearest thing to Chinese water torture. Where do I put MORE STUFF? There is no place if you ask me. There probably could be. Right now, the plants are occupying my office and the crabs are taking up valuable counter space. I can’t wait til I finish the office this year and can move them IN THERE or at least move one tank in there. I can’t handle clutter. I am literally breathing heavy as I type this paragraph.
I finished putting the shower curtains up and looked at both the bathrooms, they look good! It’s funny how a couple towels can change the look of a bathroom and it’s disgusting to take down a shower curtain and not be able to see through the clear parts. Next up is the office and it’s transformation. I am currently working on transforming the salon and my home. All of these changes leave me feeling slightly uncomfortable as I’m incredibly used to being comfortable in my life. For once, the decisions I’m making aren’t affecting just me, they’re affecting other people and creatures. The plants need to be nurtured til they can be left outside and the crab-babies need a place to be as comfortable as their type-a papa.
Oh goodness… I’m breathing hard again.