Sunday, 13 March 2016 —
It’s been a busy week on so many levels. It’s been a week since I last blogged and even Chris noticed. He said, “you haven’t blogged all week”. I layed on the couch and thought, “yeah, I know.” I have not had any time or drive to explore what I feel like. Some people would call this feeling burn-out, I would have to call this feeling exhaustion. I’ve had a few heart-to-heart conversations with people this week that have left me, needless to say, super exhausted! Who wants to write after having a pow-wow? No one I know. That’s what leads to mean tweets and over sharing (I’ve learned from my past).
One of the only constants in my life as of late (and especially the last six months) has been my daily mediation and Zohar study. Part of studying the Zohar is examining the Torah and reading the rabbi’s and sage’s commentary on it. The Torah (The Bible for that matter) was never meant to be taken literally. People that take it all too literal just annoy me. Anything (and I mean anything) that you learn in this world has deeper meaning. You can’t take anything at face value. For example, if someone comes up to you and says, “Fuck you!” there’s more behind that . Are they aggravated? Are they fucking around with you to get a reaction? Are they just feeling the need to curse? Are they a high tension person that releases their aggression verbally and you’re just in the room and they need a target? There’s more to it. There’s deeper meaning behind that. I hate to compare The Torah to cursing at someone, but my point is that there is deeper meaning behind words. I enjoy this study and look at EVERYTHING as Torah study, sometimes it annoys people. I guess I’m too analytical for my own good.
Meditation for me happens in many forms. Reading a spiritual book is amazing because I can learn lessons and think of prime examples. If you remove the “religion” from a spiritual book and look at the parables for what they are, you will find life lessons that help you with daily life. The awareness alone is the lesson. Meditation for me involves sitting, lighting a candle and listening to my brain tick. The ticking sometimes brings up good stuff or I reflect on dreams I had or actions from the previous day mostly. If there is something literal going on in my brain like the thought of my Grandfather or Joan Rivers that surface, then I know they have a message for me. I don’t meditate for more than about fifteen minutes at a time. I don’t see the point really. After about ten minutes, you start to daydream. Get on with it! Read a book, go the gym, wash dishes, something! Don’t just daydream and tell people you “cleared your mind.” For me, that’s a waste of time. A deep meaningful practice involves taking the day for what it is and reflecting. If your grocery list pops up during meditation, you clearly checked out of mindfulness and into practicality. Try again tomorrow.
Blogging for me is a mild-form of meditation. I generally throw some Thievery Corporation on my iPod and start writing. I am more mindful of what comes out now than when I began writing ten years ago. Sometimes I miss the days of just annihilating people! I’ve grown from that point though. I’ll just vent to my friends and we’ll have a few laughs.
Each day of the week has some meaning to me and the type of thoughts I have for the day. Sundays used to be so calm at one time in my life and now it’s a day filled with family obligations. By about 2pm, people are pulling me back and forth. I have learned that in order to get time to read the New York Times and watch Barefoot Contessa, I have to wake up by about 9am on Sunday to make that happen. I like to clean the house and throw some laundry in while the coffee drips and then make my way to the Mac about an hour later. As noon approaches, I can almost feel my mother calling repeatedly til I pick up before she event starts that number! I love my Sunday lunches with her and when I check out with her, I check into an evening of shopping with Chris for weekly stuff like groceries and sand for the crab tank. The evening finishes up with my last look at email and my to-do list for the week and it’s a sad farewell to what may be my only downtime as I go to sleep.
Monday is the day of the week that sets the to-dos in motion. I don’t understand how some people do not work on Monday. It’s insane to me that people just take Monday off. I feel like there’s a lot to get a jump start on! The energy is a bit tense on Monday so I go into work later and work quietly (much like a Saturday) as to not set-off an aggression that could last all week. Tuesday comes and tends to be the most productive, Wednesday is the day everyone is grumpy, Thursdays I ALWAYS wake up late and stress getting my to-do list completed and start cleaning the house for Shabbat. Once Friday arrives, I just want out. Saturday is Day #6 and I don’t even look at my phone anymore til after I’m done working with guests in the salon. If it were not for my meditation time, my work week would drive me insane. Last week, I looked at each day and thought to myself, “oh god, get some help! It’s all too much.”
For all my busy friends out there that seem to have no game plan in life or any daily agenda, I tell them to sit quietly and relax and think about their week. The other thing I tell people is to voice whats in the head as they feel it. If you’re angry with someone, think about it and how you’re going to deliver that message. Don’t hold those emotions in. When the weeks turn into months and the months into years so quickly, it’s incredibly important to put yourself in time out. Meditation is my time out. That’s what I learned this incredibly busy, emotional week.