Tuesday, 5 April 2015 —
Today was a rather enjoyable Monday. I don’t remember ever saying that outloud –like ever. I had my shit together today for the most part. I always do, but I have to admit that I threw all my reservations to the wind. I was told by two different psychics yesterday at The Holistic Fair that I needed to pull the stick out of my ass and go with the flow. What the fuck? Is “Type A” written on my fucking forehead or what?
I live in a world of deadlines, timelines, too many tasks and perfection. I think I’m finally understanding that all that shit just has to take a seat while I gather my thoughts and accept that nothing in this world is perfect, I will not always be on time and any one that puts a time limit on me can just go elsewhere. I hate being rushed and I’m not going to allow that to bother me anymore.
Chris has been busy working in the “workroom” these past two days getting ready for lots of drag. He’s creating character pieces and full-on couture. It’s incredibly brilliant of him to be doing this much sewing, cutting and sketching. It’s like an episode of Project Runway at my house. I really like him in his creative element; he works quietly and listens to Monster High soundtracks on the bluetooth speaker I got him for Valentine’s Day. It’s really very cute to see him so focused.
I received a message today from a good friend of mine. She is arranging for me and another friend to talk about our dwindling friendship. My friend moved away and before she moved away, we had stopped talking. I don’t really know why. I have an idea of what had happened, but I don’t know what created animosity or tension. She wants to meet this week. I’m not sure when I’m going to make that happen. The other situation is that she is here to attend a wedding –her daughter’s wedding actually. I don’t know how I feel about having a heart-to-heart during a time when she should be celebrating. Part of me just wants to carve out a good 90 minutes so she can share her thoughts with me and I can just move on visibly. As far as I’m concerned, I feel like we both did move on. We’re grown ups. If meeting with her is what SHE needs to move forward, I can agree to that. I just don’t want any tension. Life is too short to have tension… especially when we used to get along so well. We’ll see what happens…
This week is completely sold out at the salon, I’m still waiting on a comedy appearance confirmation (haven’t been told yet). Its like everyone wants a piece of me on Saturday and sadly I don’t think everyone is going to be happy. I just kind of want to duck out of everyone’s view Saturday and focus on me. Is that selfish? I don’t know how many gifts, bouquets of flowers or cards I can send this year to let people know I love them, but just can’t be at every single event. I would love to, but can’t. It sounds so selfish, but that’s how I feel.
Today I noticed that my phone and Facebook messenger were loaded with messages. I just want to revert back to Greta Garbo-isms and answer people via snail mail and ambiguously through blog posts. I get why she walked away from her success and popularity at 36 and why she rarely attended parties. The hype is not always worth it. There’s too many expectations projected on someone when they expect you to be something more than you really are. She was just Greta Garbo on screen, not at home. I’m just Josh. I love everyone and don’t want more than my fair share and want everyone to be respected and loved and conduct themselves in a kind fashion. The snarkyness is fun with close friends, but that’s for them (privately).
Laurel, my assistant, made a very observant comment today about me not being on Facebook as much as I used to. She knows why. She knows I’ve pulled away. I predicted in a previous blog (Inside Studio JRy, available on blogspot) that I would do this in my thirties and I see it very much so happening. I’m not interested in being everyone’s best friend. I won’t ever be the philanthropist that advertises how much or to what organizations I give to and I don’t invite people to my home.
Gees. Maybe I am more Garbo now than ever.