a year in my life, diary, Family, Food, rules for life

Shabbat: Is This Serving Me?

Saturday, 10 Saturday 2016 — Shabbat

Sitting at home in bed this morning.  The fan is chilly on a relatively chilly morning.  I am struggling with the thought that it’s going to be fall soon.  Late summers in Southern Colorado can be 99 degrees or 75 degrees from day to day and its very common to wake up to 57 degree mornings.  It’s kind of nice really.  The changing of the seasons at this time of the year really reflects how I feel on the inside. I described this to Chris last night while I was sipping Verve Clicquot and smoking cigarettes.  I described it as an earthquake inside. The sands are shifting in my life.

For folks that study Kabbalah (Jewish Mysticism) like myself, we have been taught that the month of Elul (Virgo) before Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year) is a time to evaluate things in life and let folks do what folks do.  Will they be good friends? Will they fall short? Will they reach out? Will they start some shit before the New Year? Will they be focused on themselves and ignore you.  Maybe all of those things will happen.  To be like a Virgo during the month of Elul means its a time to use a discerning discriminating eye in everything: business, work, play, health, personal relationships, family.  There’s a cosmic change on the horizon. It’s not always comforting to be this analytical and think about what everyone is doing or what their motives are.  The sign of Virgo is a perfectionist, they are incredibly loyal and honest and good friends. At this time, it’s alright to observe folks and situations in life and ask, “Is this/are you serving me?”

Is this serving me? Is not a selfish question to ask.  It’s very healthy actually.  Why would you want to waste your time with fake friendships, a horrible marriage, a bad work situation or keep on with nasty health habits.  That’s comfort.  When people get comfortable, they can become inevitably complacent.

Every year around my birthday I start to ask myself what my birth sign is trying to show me.  What would Virgo do?  Sometimes, however, my birthday lands in Leo.  Leo is a showman, an attention seeker, an egoist, an opinionated dick, powerful, commands attention in all things.  I would cut myself in half enough to say there’s very much so some Leo tendencies, but at the heart level, I’m a Virgo through and through.  Virgo is very feminine, pure (honest) in energy.  Leo is a masculine, domineering (demanding) energy.  At the heart level, I really couldn’t care less about Leo’s arrogance, but I do listen to my inner “Virgin” a lot of the time and start to skim off the fat in my life.  Fat is like like lust, it tastes good, it adds flavor, but it’s a double-edged sword of decadence that can be completely passed over and your life will probably operate better.

I see so many fake people around me lately: business associates, friends, people that say they love me and don’t show up to events or answer my text messages, but need me when they call me, family members that like to talk about me, but never take the time to check in with me personally.  I’m really not into any of these folks anymore.  I really can’t handle a life that acts like Facebook.  On Facebook, people say they’re “friends”, but they don’t even say hello in real-life when they see you at the grocery store. I have all too many folks like that in my life and I’m slowly realizing, with a full heart, that it’s time to skim the fat off the table cream of my life.

They’re no longer serving me.



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