a year in my life, friends, rules for life

Thursday Afternoon: Quiet

Thursday, 15 September 2016 —

Well, it’s Thursday at Rockstars + Lambs and (for once) its very calm today and mostly an office day.  It’s refreshing actually.

I was told a long time ago by someone that when you are given “downtime” from the Universe, its alright to enjoy the break from all your duties that you’ve grown accustomed to or to clean something in detail, take on a new project, work on your self a bit or spend time with folks you haven’t seen in some time.

Every year, right before the High Holy days, is the same: not busy.  In years past I would get really anxious and want to exit stage right or wonder if I was going to stay in business or worry if all my friendships are alright.  Today, in this year of life specifically, I am welcoming whatever silence, quiet or downtime comes my way.

I think a lot of the time we spend so many years, especially our twenties hustling and trying to play with the “big dogs”.  Well, I already did that.  I had a great decade of building my career, talking from ego, biting off more than I can chew and castrating the competition.  At around 29 years old, I no longer wanted that.  I began bowing out, if you will, and it was like 29 was my first “Greatest Hits” anthology.  At 32, I’m having a personal renaissance.  I’m looking  at what worked a decade ago and what didn’t and I see so many funny things and so many things in memories that make me cringe.

I don’t think that at 32 I’m any more or less egotistical, but I do know that I’m not as arrogant.  I wouldn’t even say that I’ve given up the spotlight or the attention because anytime anyone else gets it, a part of me worries that I’ll never get it back whether its business, a public event or personally with friends and clients.  There’s a large portion of me that no longer wants to share the details with people anymore.  I think the people that BELONG in my life will NOTICE those details without me having to utter a single word; this isn’t entitlement, this is letting my work, my actions, my personality speak for themselves.  I have very little desire to put myself out in the publicity machine like I used to.

Recently Miley Cyrus freed herself from having a publicist.  She doesn’t want to walk red carpets anymore and she isn’t interested in feeding the machine known as “fame”.  A lot of people see this, are taking notice and thinking that she’s shooting her career in the foot;  I see an artist maturing and taking control.  One thing Hollywood (especially) does is give and take and charge large income celebrities for services they convince them that they’ll need: you need a stylist to pick out your clothes, you need a hair person that travels with you,  you need a personal chef to package your food for your long day trips to New York, you need four assistants (1 to tweet, 1 to instagram, 1 to answer you emails and 1 to wipe your ass)… Miley is waking up and realizing she doesn’t need all that bullshit. GOOD FOR HER!

When you wake up and realize you don’t NEED IT, but you may WANT IT, you have grown.

I don’t need an assistant anymore, I don’t need a housekeeper anymore, I don’t need to be invited to events.  It’s nice and I like all those things, but I don’t need them in my life.

When life gets busier, maybe I’ll train someone to be an exquisite assistant again, maybe we’ll get so busy Chris and I will need a housekeeping service, I personally pick and choose events I want to attend now: sometimes solo, sometimes with Chris, sometimes with Mom and Dad, sometimes with an entourage.  They’re far and few.  I’ve been there, I’ve done that.  I like dinner parties.  Invite me to those.  I like cocktails at 5:30 or 6:00, invite me a day or two ahead.

I made a prediction that I would take on more Garbo-like tendencies as I got older and I am.  It’s really alright.  I like reading at home and writing and listening to the television in the background.  I love making breakfast and going for walks alone at 6 in the morning.  I like the silence.  I also like being wanted again.  There was a period in my life last year where a lot of people washed their hands of me.  I, in return, after I woke up from the fog of depression, washed my psyche and ego of them.

One of my friends asked me yesterday if we “were good”.  Yes, my dear.  We’re good.  I’m just enjoying the silence right now.  The one thing you have on many of my supposed “friends” though is that you at least asked, accepted my answer and continued on.

We’re good.  If you’re good, we’re good.  If we’re bad, then we move forward or move apart.  Right now, the quiet is my best friend.



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