Monday, 14 November, 2016 —
Do you ever have moments when you think back about some stuff you’ve said, written or thought and thought to yourself, “damn! I’m being a little harsh!” I’ve had a few of those moments lately and I feel as though none of those feelings need justification as of late.
This morning, I woke up and had a chance to catch up on messages and social media and drank my coffee and ate my toast before I drew a bath. I was laying in the bathtub reading The New Yorker when my aesthetician texted and said she had a cancelation and that I could come in a touch earlier. I said I’d get out of the tub and be right there. As I was driving, my brain went in and out of thoughts about Thanksgiving, the gift-giving season and how many folks I have invited out to dinner between now and the end of the year. Those folks mean a lot to me and I enjoy their company. Those are truly the folks I want to greet 2017 with. There are also a couple in my mind that pop up that have not reached out to me and I wonder to myself, “do they even know it seems as though they are avoiding me?”
I think I’m going to send them both holiday cards when I sit down to write them out this year. No invites to dinner. No lunch plans. No day-drinking with them.
It’s very funny how The Universe, God, Ralph (whoever is up there) makes life filter itself out and how time creates distance between people. If one doesn’t reach out, then instantly we feel we’re in conflict or something must be wrong. Sometimes there are things that are wrong and sometimes everything is just fine, but we’re not on the same page. I feel as though I’m not on the same page with two individuals right now. The sad part is I’m not in a rush to re-connect either.
I haven’t done anything wrong. I haven’t been salacious and I know these two folks very well. I feel as though the distance is a message loud and clear and now I’m starting to regress against it.
To be the bigger person and act as though nothing ever happened is not how I feel lately. To be mature and move forward feels most comfortable and to reach out during the holidays and say, “Hi, I’m still here, happy x-mas” feels forced, but worth a try.
I’m still here. I’m still your friend. I’m just disappointed in you both.